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one of these years

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Post by tara Sun Dec 13, 2009 5:49 pm

I am going to screw everyone and have a quiet Christmas at home. It seems like we always end having to do my MILs last which sucks. SHe plans it right in the middle of the day which makes us rush at home and hurry to my moms and rush through visiting with them... which means the guilt trip. Last year we had Christmas eve dinner with my parents and had a quiet night at home, this year Christmas isn't enough MIL is having a Christmas eve party (and getting a Santa so you know what the kids want to do...) too. We go to his parents every week. My parents are usually working so holidays are the one time they can sit and visit. Grr I know MIL doesn't do it on purpose but it really sucks trying to enjoy the day when you don't get five minutes to breathe. The kids don't get to be kids and enjoy what they get, they are more like present opening machines. They barely get the wrapping off when the next one is thrown their way. It's all turned into more more more and I hate it. My nephews are like that, it's all about who gets more, no thank yous no appreciation and it's disgusting. The first time my kids act that way will be their last Christmas ever. It's so hard to explain that even though the boys are bigger they are not admirable, and that behavior is completely unacceptable to me. Ugh I feel better now, lol.
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Post by bizzeedee Sun Dec 13, 2009 6:00 pm

Tara. why not (gently) inform MIL that you're now starting a new tradition, one you hope your kids will enjoy, remembe and carry on... it's called "staying home Christmas day from dawn until bedtime! Maybe then you could go to your Mom's on Christmas eve, and go to MIL the day after Christmas and eat her leftovers :-)
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Post by edbson Sun Dec 13, 2009 8:08 pm

I have done it too, just stayed home and told people if they wanted to come visit/bring gifts/eat, to go ahead and stop by.
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Post by tara Sun Dec 13, 2009 8:29 pm

I have tried for years to get my parents to do it all on Christmas eve. They agreed like three years ago and all my dad did was sit there and pout and both of they saying over and over how lonely they would be on Christmas, how sad no one would be there.

Unfortunately we have tried to an extent with MIL. The problem there if we outright refuse is they will come here. I do not invite them in the winter, my house is just not big enough, because if you get one, you get them all. Plus MIL hinted that if we don't come on Christmas we will be missing out on the gifts. Now I could really care less if I get anything. Hubby however still acts like a 5 year old on Christmas, thankfully with a bit more tact than nephews. Not to mention the boys are just out of control rude, rough and inconsiderate. No doubt not only would my house be trashed but they would break half the kids stuff. It's crowded in here without the Christmas tree, let alone Christmas day. You would think by 8 and 10 they would know better but no. I hide a lot of the kids stuff when they are here. That is one headache I don't want to deal with.
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Post by Lori Sun Dec 13, 2009 9:08 pm

I totally understand the feeling of being pulled every which way. And I hate it and feel exhausted just thinking about it. I am staying in my own home this year and telling my family that they're welcome to come for dinner if they'd like to, but I am not spending 6 hours in the car on Christmas day. Christmas Eve is at MIL's house and though she likes to stretch it out as long as possible, I'll be excusing myself early if need be. DS's girlfriend will be joining us this year, so I want to keep things mellow.
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Post by bizzeedee Sun Dec 13, 2009 9:22 pm

Well Tara, if the IL's are using "there won't be any gifts if you don't come Christmas"" I said TS.... for anyone to use that threat/bride is so totally wrong, wrong, wrong! I don't know what kind of presents they by for the GC, but a threat like that is not worth it... cause they're only buying to "look good" Sucks! And even if they buy the kids $100 dollar gifts, still is cruel and sucks! They need to step back and take a breath. You need to do what makes you feel good As for your Dad... well, let him know you'll spend Christmas eve with them, and if they want to "stop" over for Christmas day and watch the kids open gifts and maybe have some coffee, they do so.!
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Post by chelle Sun Dec 13, 2009 9:58 pm

personally, a few factors have made me choose to stay home. one, putting up with other folks meddiling and screwing with me. Plus, not wanting me to disipline 'cause its a holiday'... , two, my kids are really getting away from the meaning of Christmas. They need to learn its not all about them.

So, starting with Thanksgiving- I made some changes.

I will go to houses the week before, I'll invite everyone over the week before, the day before, whenever- dont care.

I asked everyone to PLEASE, (I've asked for years, been ignored for years) NOT buy my kids toys, not pile them with crap, and not go into debt for stupid junk.

I told them that we needed to step up and realize what the season was for, and to show some grace.

I told them we would welcome clothes, the kids could use things FOR their animals, (feed, cages, or a new rabbit or such- these are to make money with for 4-H, potential scholorships, so its a actual job for them) or toys given before Christmas to be donated BY my kids to children that need them.

I plan on staying home, no running from house to house unless I choose to due to bordom. I hate the "but you spent 30 minutes extra over THERE" or "you ALWAYS go to marthas first" ... GROW UP.

Yes, Christmas is about family, pure and simple, my family needs to come first. We see everyone else when ever they are avalible,

I know everyone wants to see the kids, and I dont dispute that, But I also feel that running them from here to there, me being agervated, rushing, hating to leave conversations, or newcomers doesnt do well for the way they veiw it all.

The Christmas' that I remmeber the best as a kid where the ones where we didnt run all over. where folks came to my grandparents house the night before, (20-100 people, just lots of family), but Christmas day was just laid back and fun.

If I COULD host a huge Christmas, I would. I cant do it because my house is too small. I used to do it and loved it, but between the huge amounts of $ spent on gifts that were forgotten by the next day, and the running around, I just want to walk away from it all.

and on the gift front, it helps that this year everyone else is as poor as I always am LOL - they are all cutting waaayy back. just clothes for the older kids. and hopefully for Bow too.
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Post by edbson Sun Dec 13, 2009 10:31 pm

I am probably staying home for Christmas eve and Christmas day this year, we MIGHT go to eat at the casino, if I feel like it. The Entire family, all 150ish of us get together every year at my Aunts house, but this year I am boycotting. this is why
For Turkey day she asked everyone to bring something, and even specified a few things, fine, whatever...so we all made something and brought it. I, and a few others overheard her talking to a couple of people who had come late and she said " Everything I cooked is good, the rest is crap", then proceeded to whine for days about how noone helped her....which is BULLS*it

SO, am boycotting, ticking her off every chance I get, and just generally being a meanie....merry freakin christmas...LOL
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Post by bizzeedee Mon Dec 14, 2009 12:02 am

Erin I don't blame you one iota... heck, I would be boycotting that aunt to (haf one semilar... ) Life is too short... enjoy it with those you enjoy being around!
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Post by tara Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:02 am

I hate the mountains of gifts. But have learned to just grin and bear it. Say thank you and then they land in a pile and are given away. I have told them over and over again I would prefer they get things they can use, clothes, shoes and I will never say no to a book but the electronics? Nope. Like I said it either gets given a way or somethings we return and use to money to get them what they really need, or groceries for us, lol.

Dee- not the kids gifts. My inlaws are good people, they wouldn't do that. She hinted hubby's gifts would be cut back on.... that's all it took and she knew that. Like I said he is like a 6 year old. I think people (myself included) like giving things to him the most. His eyes sparkle and you would think he never had anything before.

In the end both my parents and his have and do, do a lot for us and pissing everyone off on Christmas is just not my goal. We would not have much (furniture, appliances all the big stuff) without my parents and this year his mom took us all on a paid vacation. Stuff like that, things my kids would not be privileged enough to enjoy because we just can't afford it. So while I get annoyed and bitch about it (which usually makes me feel better) we will continue to suffer through. Or I should say me, hubby doesn't feel the same way. He has always spend Christmas running around. I miss being a kid where we spent all day in our jammies playing our new board game or whatever all day long just relaxing.

We are the only ones who really have elsewhere to go. My one nephew will have to go with his asshole (who purposely makes it difficult for everyone just to be an asshole) father at some point, and the other with his other grandparents to the cemetery, but that is just the kids, SILs spend the whole day with the inlaws. We are the only ones as a family that have to do it all twice (well three times if you count home). I'm really hoping next year after my youngest SIL has her baby she will say hey, wouldn't it be nice to spend more time at home than dragging out two kids and rushing through everything. My nephews are 8 and 11, when they had them both SILs lived with MIL and FIL so they really have no idea how much it sucks doing it with one, let alone two little ones especially when we have shitty weather.
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Post by thebigscott Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:19 am

Usually we end up spending Christmas split between my parents and my MIL's house, even spending the night so we have less driving to do on Christmas. But this year, I told everyone that I wanted to have Christmas at home. I told them I wanted the kids to have at least a few memories of waking up in their own beds on Christmas morning. We told them we'd work out a visit and gift exchange with everyone, but not on Christmas morning. The only worry I have is that my MIL is a widow and my SIL and her family won't be in town either. I don't like to think of her alone on Christmas, but I can't always be the one who gives in, LOL


I also told my kids that when they are grown up with their own families, I want them to save us a weekend in mid-December to start our own family tradition. We'll all get together and eat pizza and frozen foods and exchange presents and celebrate --- WITHOUT the extra work of a huge dinner, co-ordinating with in-laws, open houses, parties, etc. No one will be allowed to cook, nothing will be served on real dishes, and we'll spend the weekend watching movies and letting the kids play with their new toys.
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Post by tara Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:50 am

Karen, I have a running letter to myself of things I wont do to my children, lol. That way I hope I'll have a reminder to help keep me from subconsciously doing the same things I hate to them.
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Post by thebigscott Mon Dec 14, 2009 12:00 pm

Tara, it's as much for me as for the kids. My ideal Christmas involves spending the day in my jammies and lazing around the house. You can't do that if you have all your relatives over, LOL.
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Post by edbson Mon Dec 14, 2009 12:15 pm

I am seriously thinking about cooking a turkey or something, and some sides, and saying "there it is, eat or don't". I would LOVE to do a big dinner, but my Dad won't come because we do not want my crackhead brother here, and MIL won't come because I refuse to have Dh's SIL in my house. So, I will either cook, go to the Casino, or go to a friends house who has invited us over......kinda undecided. As far as Christmas eve and the big family thing, I am undecided.....I would almost rather sit at home in my jammies with a bottle of wine.
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Post by trax Mon Dec 14, 2009 7:08 pm

Christmas, yes - it is a time for family. But (many curse words) up here we are nearing -40 below. No family expects any to travel in temperatures that cold.

From what I have read here; well - you folks - you have your own families now - you must try to have your own traditions. I do not believe a family should be sporting around from place to place because in laws or out laws feel that you should.

You Are A Family - Believe In It santa
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Post by manny1968 Tue Dec 15, 2009 7:43 pm

my daughter will be five in a few weeks and I told everyone a couple years ago that if you want to see us on christmas day we will be at our house. I don't think it is fair for a child to get to open all the presents and then wisk them off to visit with family. They all understood and now we all meet on christmas eve and have a big family dinner and then do our own thing.
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Post by trax Tue Dec 15, 2009 8:20 pm

Manny one of these years 78280
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Post by Lori Tue Dec 15, 2009 9:03 pm

manny1968 wrote:They all understood and now we all meet on christmas eve and have a big family dinner and then do our own thing.

This gets tricky when you have 2 families to deal with.
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Post by briteasafirefly Tue Dec 15, 2009 9:17 pm

When I was growing up, we always did christmas eve at my dad's parents and then christmas afternoon at my mom's mother's house with christmas morning at home. My dad's parents wanted time where all their kids and grandkids could be together and it was figured that theres no point in trying to get everyone over on christmas day, so christmas eve works. Plus they are always invited somewhere christmas day, so they aren't alone.

Then we started leftover ham from christmas eve for breakfast christmas day. So anyone that wants to can come over for breakfast after they open presents at home.
When I do have kids, I want to keep things simple with only going to one house a day. And if any major travel has to be involved, well it will be early or late christmas as I don't want to travel during that busy time or they can come to us...
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Post by thebigscott Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:47 pm

Well I just got off the phone with all the relatives. I talked to my MIL first since she is a widow and would be alone at Christmas. I told her that we traveled on almost every holiday (including Easter, Halloween, birthdays, and probably even St. Patrick's day) and that we'd decided that we needed to spend either Christmas eve or Christmas day at home the entire day, no traveling. I told her we could come see her one of those days (her choice) or she could come spend Christmas eve at our house so she could see the grandkids wake up on Christmas morning. She thought about it a while and then asked if she could maybe take the three oldest kids to a candlelight service on Christmas eve and then spend the night with us. I said yes, they would probably love to go. I used to always go as a kid. I didn't mention that I'd tried to go myself several times since getting married but it was hard to do since she always had a Christmas eve party and always asked us to come help her get ready, then go to the party, then stay after to help clean, LOL.

Then she said that we could go to her house Christmas day and have dinner there. I said that would be fine, but if we did that we'd want to skip the candlelight service. That took her back a bit, but I explained that we really, really wanted to give Scott (my DH, her son) a day of rest where we weren't on a schedule, didn't have to get ready for anything, etc. It was a part of his Christmas gift. He's been working on starting a business and on doing major renovations and repairs to several of the buildings on our property (it's a big farm) and he hasn't taken a day completely off for months. She said she hadn't looked at it that way but it made sense and she would rather go to the candlelight service. So we are planning a modest dinner at my house for Christmas day, with as much prepared ahead as possible.

Then I called my mom and told her our plans. She was fine with it since she gets overwhelmed if my whole family and my sister's family all come to visit at once. It means 12 people in a house usually used by 2 people and not baby-proofed. We agreed to try to get together at her convenience over the break. We'll actually do it twice, I think. Once will be grown ups only for a meal out where we can actually talk and visit. The other will be with the kids there and we'll probably go to a McDonald's or some other place with a big play area. That way she won't have to deal with all the kids breaking her stuff or getting so loud you can't think.

Scott is in shock that this plan is actually working. But I'm determined to have things be as low-stress as possible.
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Post by Lori Thu Dec 17, 2009 5:05 pm

Very civilized behavior by all involved, Karen. I'm impressed and glad it worked out for everyone.
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