emails from crazy people

I found this website, and OMG I haven't laughed so hard in a LONNNG time. I stole this one because frankly, I have wabted to send this EXACT same email to every teacher my kids have ever had.

Dear Mrs. X:

In just over a week, you will be my son's Grade 1 teacher. He is ever so excited to be under your tutelage. Why, since the last day of kindergarten, entering your class was all he could talk about. He gleefully thrust a piece of paper into my hand on that June afternoon, and said, "Here's a list of the stuff I need for school next September!"

And I have to admit, I, too, was excited. I'm a school supplies geek from way back. And so, in early August, I set out to buy the items you'd listed.

It was on my fourth store that the realization began to sink in.

You're a crafty bitch, aren't you?

This list was a thinly disguised test. Could I find the items, exactly as you'd prescribed? Because if not, my son would be That Kid, the one with the Problem Mother, Who Can't Follow Directions.

For example, the glue sticks you requested. In the 40 gram size. Three of the little buggers. (What kind of massive, sticky project you've got planned for the first day of school that would require the students to bring all this glue, I cannot imagine.) But the 40 gram size doesn't come in a convenient 3-pack. The /30 /gram size does. But clearly, those would be wildly inappropriate. So I got the individually priced 40's, as per your instructions.

Another bit of fun was your request for 2 packs of 8 Crayola crayons (basic colors). The 24 packs, with their 24 /different /colors, sat there, on sale. I could have purchased /three/ of the 24 packs for the price I had to pay for the 8 packs. (Clearly, you'll not be teaching the youngsters any sort of economics lessons this year.) Even the cashier looked at me, as if to say, "Pardon me, ma'am, but are you slow?" as I purchased these non-bargain crayons. But that's what the list said. And I was committed to following the
list.

But the last item, well, now, you saved your malice up for that one, didn't you? "8 mm ruled notebooks", you asked for. Simple enough. Except the standard size is /seven /millimetres. One. Millimetre. Difference. Do you realize, Mrs. X., exactly how infinitesimal the difference between 7 mm ruling and 8 mm ruling is? Pretty small, I assure you. The thickness of a fingernail, approximately. But that millimetre, that small bit of nothingness, made me drive to four different stores, over the course of three sweaty August hours. And when I finally, finally found the last remaining 8 mm notebooks, I took no pleasure in my victory. I merely shifted my focus. To you, Mrs. X.

You wanna dance, lady? Let's dance.

Because I am just batshit crazy enough to play your games. And, in turn, come up with some of my own.

On show and share day, my son will be bringing the video of his birth. It will be labelled, "Ben's First Puppy." Enjoy.

He will be given a list of words, and daily, he will ask you what they mean. Words such as, "pedophile", "anti-semite", and "skank". Good luck with those.

At some point, you will attempt to teach him mathematics. And I'm quite sure that, like most of your ilk, you will require my son to "show his work". And he will.

Through interpretive dance.

Because that is who you've chosen to tangle with, toots. A stay at home mom who is not entirely balanced, and has altogether too much time on her hands. But is, most certainly, A Mother Who Can Follow Directions.

Sincerely,

Ginny

Oh that is rich! I hate those lists, too. I think the thing I hate the most is that the teacher collects all the supplies to share with all the kids in the class. Nothing wrong with sharing but Zoe doesn't understand (as she's begging franticly for the princess pencils) that even if I shell out the extra cash she won't get to use them. They should get to keep a few special items.

Ours each have a box, and when their supplies run low they get more out of their box. They did the sharing thing, but too many parents complained.

LOL! That's too funny!

Priceless!! Love it! Especially the crayons! I for one, can NEVER figure out why we have to have the 16 count crayons when the 24 count one is a quarter! AUGH!

I am so not that mom. I send the 24 crayons and they can throw the rest away if they want.