4 year old is lying all the time now, any suggestions?

My 4 year old son is really lying now. From silly stuff to big stuff…… any suggestions?



I hear to tell him a big lie like I am taking him to the movies and get him in the car and then say, Oh no I lied! He understands what a lie is and can tell me and I want to nip this in the bud…. I just don't feel right modeling bad behavior.

He is a smart boy and I know he understands this is wrong but he just keeps doing it and he is so strong willed.

We have talked about it, prayed about it with him and done the timeouts and removed favorite toys with no success.



Help please!

What has worked for Ceilidh (also 4) is telling her that everytime she tells a lie, she gets a black dot on her forehead that only Mommy and Daddy can see. Everytime she told a lie, she would rub her forehead. Granted it didn't stop her right off the bat not to lie, but after awhile when she realized that she wasn't getting away with lying, she pretty much stopped (now it's only the odd time).

I am of the opinion, something must have started this lying in your child - have you as parents been honest - all the time?

My cure, do a set up. Something really simple, but does have consequences (not that of a black mark).

Lay money out. Know what you are doing. Tell the child, I must leave this money for bus. Forget it. See what happens and watch it. Good Luck.

With Zoe, I just act as if I belive her. Actually believe. Only I waited to start that until she had told a lie which would lead to something she wouldn't like. Such as her saying she was too sick to talk to Grandma on the phone. I told Grandma I had to get off the phone fast to rush Zoe to the doctor to get a shot. She was so sick she couldn't talk so she needed a shot of medicine right away. She confessed to lying right away and it let us talk about how lying can have consequences you don't expect. I did it again when she lied about having eaten dinner already. She didn't want what I had fixed and rather than say that, she lied. I just put away the food and we all ate dinner and had desert. But she didn't get any. Again, she eventually confessed and we talked. It has mostly worked. She sometimes starts to lie, and then realizes that she shouldn't and says she was joking. I count it as progress and don't call her on it.

But honestly, four is very young to get the concept. I wouldn't worry about it too much, yet.

Good liars make great writers and speakers. They do well at selling used cars. They are very creative people. I don't have any suggestions, though, and I know you hate to see this in your child. Sometimes things take care of themselves. He is, as Karen says, a little young for some concepts.

And politicians! He could be president one day!

Thanks everyone, he is a smooth talker. I can see him president.

He learned to lie to get out of things, like no I did not hit my sister because he knew he would be in trouble. We did reward him for telling the truth when he fessed up to doing something bad...... but we could not do it every time or his sitter would feel it was alright to be hurt by her brother or either of them could just say yes I did it to get away with it. They quickly learned how to turn the tables on that. Fess up means no time out etc....

They are smart little stinkers.

Mine do it. I dont have any advise, I just sympothise..

Rayley tries, but fesses up quickly. and usually when its one of my kids they are lying to stay out of trouble and get another one IN trouble, so they dont want to give it up. BUT they all do it, so I never can tell if the one I am blaming really did it and is lying, or is the innocent party and is telling the truth when he/she blames it on the others... LOL

Chelle, that's easy. Unilateral punishments. Really and truly punish them all. Rayley's room is a mess? Well, families all help each other, so NO ONE goes out until it's clean. Somebody started a fight? Well the other ones hit back or yelled back so clearly they could ALL use a refresher in good manners. After a bit of that you'll find that tattling and setting each other up for trouble just goes away on it's own.

Karen, we are 'cleaning rooms' now.... GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRr


Actually I am lucky on the fights thing. I just let them fight it out. the boys are the same size, and Rayley is meaner than either one of them. LOL Usually when one gets a busted lip they quit. or they get tired. OR my favorite, when they are really fighting hard, wrassilin and trying to make the other one cry and beg. One will fart. then its all over.

My actual problems are in the sneaking. taking stuff thats not theirs (from us) and then lying about that. Like the other day they went in the laundry room and took 2 silver crosses off a purse that I had hanging up in there. Then they put them on a peice of string and were wearing them as a necklace. At first when I asked they couldnt remember where they got them. Then about 20 minutes later it hitme. they argued over who instigated it. But admited that is where they came from....

I think it's a phase they all go through just to see what happens and if they can get away with it. Sam (also 4)doesn't lie about anything serious, he just makes up really, really tall tales and by the grin on his face he knows he's telling me something I"m not going to believe!

My MIL used to teach sociology and she once told me it was considered a very important development because it's closely linked to intelligence and imagination. Lying means that they're aware that their words and ideas have an impact on others and that they're able to visualize things in their minds.