PSA - always wear lifejackets in boats! UPDATE NP

Yesterday my sister and boyfriend (Doug) were out canoeing on the river across from my parents house, and they saw a speed boat tip over 300m from shore. One guy got to the shore, but the other one didn't. They were not wearing lifejackets. My sister tried to save the guy, but she just couldn't. She dived under several times but could not find him. They saw him go under, but couldn't reach him in time, then couldn't find him. She is now feeling horribly guilty because she was panicing while searching (she had other boaters yelling find him, find him). She is now thinking she should not have paniced and maybe she could have dived deeper and stayed down longer. She is a mess! She called my mother at work and was just yelling "I tried to save him, I tried to save him". My mother didn't know who (she knew a male boater was missing), so she ran out of work and raced to the Boat Club (where this happened right by their house). Kelly (my sister) was just in hysterics. My father has never been so scared in his life. He saw Doug right away when he raced down and was just relieved (not that he wanted anyone missing, but you know what I mean). As soon as he saw my mother and sister, he threw his arms around them. He was out searching for hours last night, to no avail. My sister refused medical attention (well the paramedics got to take her vitals, but they wanted to take her to the hospital for observation, but she jumped out of the ambulance when they told her that). My parents kept a close eye on her last night to make sure she didn't go into shock. It is still pretty cold here in the air, let alone the water. They found his body this morning.

She is supposed to go to Halifax on Thursday (4 hours away), so hopefully she still goes. The time away will be good for her. She is going to need counselling for sure after this. There is no doubt in my mind. She felt extremely guilty for a long time when friends were in an accident after dropping her off at home a few years ago (and she wasn't even there or witness it).

So just remember everyone to wear lifejackets when out on boats! This tragedy could easily have been prevented! Also, please keep this poor guys family in your thoughts as well as the searchers that tried to find him.

Poor thing! I'm sure she'll come to terms with what happened, but it will take time. At least she can say she tried which the people who were yelling at her can't. She should sleep better than they do.

How awful! Rebecca, I was thinking the same thing. Maybe they weren't good swimmers?

I'm always surprised at how many boaters think that they don't need life jackets because they know how to swim or don't intend to get in the water. Water is so dangerous. I love to swim, but I try to always be alert when I'm swimming, even in a pool, even with lifeguards. That's why my kids take swim lessons every year instead of just once. I figure it's better to keep in practice rather than depend on a teenaged lifeguard to not be distracted.

One of the guys that was yelling the loudest (who my sister could hear loud and clear) was the guy that did make it to shore. I think that is the one that freaked her out the most. My father bought this canoe last year, and the first thing he did was go out and buy a bunch of lifejackets so there would always be one available to fit any of us that wanted to go out canoeing. No one is allowed in that canoe without one (that was his rule right from the beginning). We have all went through swimming lessons as far as you could go without the lifeguard courses, but we would never dream about not going without a lifejacket. My kids have started swimming lessons this winter, and will continue them.

I feel so bad for her. I hope she does get counseling. She has nothing to feel guilty for, but it's hard to remember that when someone has died.

I think your sister will need some doctors' assistance, but in the meantime - everyone should tell her what a great thing she did to try. How she was the one who immediately saw help was required and tried to assist. Your sister, aurora - she is a hero!

I think so as well Trax! I talked to her tonight, and she is doing better. She is still really down, but better. She is going to get my mother to bring home some gravol to try to knock her out, and if that doesn't work, she will talk to her doctor about getting a sleep aid for a few days. She told my other sister that everytime she closes her eyes, she sees him go under the water. They were one of the first ones there because her and her boyfriend were out canoeing. We had left the house around 3ish, and this accident happened around 4, so her and her boyfriend must have just started canoeing when this happened. Her boyfriend wasn't even there yet when we left, and they still would have had to get the canoe across the road. The boat club (where this happened) is on the opposite side of the road, and only a 5 min walk from my parents house. They saw the boat capsize and started to go help. My other sister told her that since she had tried her best. She gave him a fighting chance and she should be proud. My other sister is going to talk to her on Friday about getting counselling about this. Hopefully she is receptive to that.

It's really a good idea, especially if you are not a strong swimmer, or the conditions are not optimal, and cold water is not a good thing,

Your poor sister, I have been there, in her situation. It will take a while, but she will get over it and realize she did all she could. It took me a while, but I eventually did, although that day still haunts me at times. I have not been back to that specific location, and neither has my brother...and it has been 14 years.

Here you HAVE to have a life jacket for very person, but only under 14 has to wear them. I wear an automatic "maywest" at all times, Bayley wears a regular ski jacket with a personal eperb( so the Coast guard can find her/us), and we have a baby bouy and regular baby jacket for Xander. Dh wears it only when alone, or when it is choppy/windy, and during storms.

How tragic..I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it must have been for her. She did do a very heroic thing and should not feel bad that she wasn't able to find him in the water. I am so sorry (not only for the family that lost their family member) but that your sister had to go through that. Hopefully over time things will become a little easier.

Bless her heart.. Thats just awful.

Wow how sad. She is a hero and I hope she finds her way past it.
I live 1/8 mile from a rather large lake and it's constant... year round. Drunks falling in, reckless kids, old men with no life jackets or just some ignorant fool who didn't take the time to figure out where it was safe enough to ice fish.

Wow! So sad.

It's so sad, but I'm glad your sister was not hurt. So many times it's the good samaritan who pays the price for attempting to save someone.
Nobody who gets on a boat thinks they're going to end up in the water. Only the people who don't know how to swim are likely to even consider wearing their life vest. In MI, you have to have the correct number and sizes of life vests on board but you don't have to wear them.

In ME you also have to have the same amount of life vests as people and kids a certain age and under have to be wearing them.

I don't even know the laws here. I just always make everyone wear one.

I was telling Scott about this thread. He's a physics teacher. He said that finding and bringing up a drowning victim is almost impossible once they've begun to inhale water. The thing that makes people float is the air in their lungs. Replace that with water and they sink. The deeper down they go, the faster they sink because the water pressure compresses the gases in their body and blood until they are much denser than water. He said they don't sink gradually like in the movies. They go down like a rock once they get more than about 12 feet down. If your sister found him, she most likely couldn't have lifted him to the surface again because of that.

Thanks for the info Karen. I never knew they could sink that fast. If only people realized this, maybe they would be more likely to wear lifejackets. As of yesterday, my sister was still not sleeping. If she couldn't sleep tonight, she was under orders to "get her ass to a doctor". That came from a pharmacist, so hopefully she will listen to a professional. I had already suggested it and the most she did was take gravol (or she said she was going to).

Try slipping her some Melatonin, she will sleep eventually. don't ask, but let her talk when she want to, when it is time I have been there, where she is, and you DO blame yourself. My brother and I tried for hours to find a 3yo who had fallen in the Lake, and we couldn't. The water was probably 80 degrees, so cold was not an issue. We are both very strong swimmers, certified life guards, and blamed ourselves....but his parents did not put a life jacket on him.

She will get over it, but it will take alot of time, and possibly therapy.

Thanks for sharing Erin. I hate that other people had to go through what she is going through especially when something as simple as a lifejacket would have prevented these deaths. I have already told her to call if/when she needs anything. She worked most of the day yesterday, so I didn't get a chance to talk to her. She is staying with our other sister for the weekend, and they will do a lot of talking. She is a strong swimmer as well (she didn't have her lifeguard, but went right to that level like the rest of us). The last time I talked to her, she didn't want to talk about it, and switched the topic to my kids. Hopefully she will be more open to talk to our other sister by the time she goes up to visit. She told our other sister a lot more via text message, then she did on the phone.

edbson wrote:Try slipping her some Melatonin, she will sleep eventually. don't ask, but let her talk when she want to, when it is time I have been there, where she is, and you DO blame yourself. My brother and I tried for hours to find a 3yo who had fallen in the Lake, and we couldn't. The water was probably 80 degrees, so cold was not an issue. We are both very strong swimmers, certified life guards, and blamed ourselves....but his parents did not put a life jacket on him.

She will get over it, but it will take alot of time, and possibly therapy.

I can't imagine how you get over something like that. No matter how well you know something is not your fault, it's impossible not to blame yourself. Even though there was nothing more that you could do. (((hugs)))

That is so scary. I hope she is doing better or getting some help so she can sleep.

I am NOT a strong swimmer and always make sure I am wearing a life jacket and that kids in the boat have one on as well. I would feel so bad in her position and she did everything right! I hope she will someday realize that she is not to blame and that there was nothing she could do that she didn't already do. Kudos to her for trying to save the guy.

Hope your sister has improved.

Thanks Trax! I was just coming to post an update on her.

She has been doing pretty good lately. She has been sleeping a bit more now. She never did go to her doctor for a sleeping aid, she just took some gravol to knock her out and that helped a little bit. Now that being said, my mother just called a few minutes ago and said she is pretty upset again. The police contacted her about making an official statement about what happened. She needs to go in on May 26 to do that (she has a cold right now, so they told her to wait to come in). Then the uncle of the guy that drowned called my mother to ask my sister's name. The parents want to send her a Thank You card for what she tried to do. He also apologized on behalf of the parents for them not calling sooner or themselves. He said that they have had a hell of a week (understandably) and they just didn't think they could express themselves with words yet, so he volunteered to call the various people to get names and address for them. He said this something he never has to do again. Mom told him that she understood that his parents didn't call themselves. She knows how this affected my sister and what she is going through, so she could only imagine what they are going through. She also apologized to him for my sister not going to the wake or funeral. She said that she just couldn't deal with that. He said that they completely understood that. Mom was crying when she was talking to the uncle and had to call me to tell me. I told her that getting this letter will be hard on Kelly (my sister), but it will help her in the long wrong. I told her that it will help her to know that this wasn't her fault and she is not to blame. Mom said she knows that, but I told her that it is one thing to know it and one thing to believe it. Mom agreed. Kelly knows in her head that she is not to blame and she did everything she could, but she doesn't know it in her heart yet. I told her that this will help her to realize it more in her heart. Mom is going to prepare her for the card coming, but is dreading it. She thinks it would be easier for her to deal with if she knows it is coming. I really hope that she can deal with the upcoming events and they don't set her back too far.

Thanks for thinking of her!

I was thinking about her last night and wondering how she was doing. I'm glad that the family recognizes that she did her very best to help. Sometimes in grief, people are irrational and blame others. I agree that this letter will be hard to accept now, but later it will help.

Dawn, that was a great idea to prepare your sister for the card coming. Even having your mom tell her that the family is thinking of her and reaching out to her to let her know that they recognize and appreciate what she tried to do should really help her. She really is a hero in their eyes. She made such an effort, but reality was against her. Distance from the victim, weather - it all played a part in why she couldn't do what she truly wanted to. Everyone who sees an accident like that would love to have a happy outcome, but not everyone has the opportunity to play a direct role in trying to rescue someone. It's a shame, but we usually only see the happy endings on tv.