I am so unbelievably angry at my brother and worried at the same time..

My brother is an alcoholic. He doesn't drink all the time (though he used to when he had money) . But when he does have money he drinks unhuman amounts of alcohol. In the past he has drank enough a few times to the point before where he passes out for a couple days only to wake up in between but not even getting up, pissing himself in the bed. We have recommended counseling, offered to go with him, he went to a treatment center, etc.... but still continues.

On Sat I was talking to my mom who asked me if I had talked to him lately (her and I usually hear from him once or twice a week) I told her I hadn't heard from him for a couple days, neither had she. So she tried to call him all day Sat and all day Sun. Finally her and dad went over and knocked, no answer, mom used the spare key to get in and after yelling a couple times, he came out of his bedroom stark naked and completely out of it. She told him to call her when he sobered up. I left a message on his machine for him to call me when he got a chance. So it's been since Sun and no one has heard from him again, I just got off the phone with Dad who is going over to check on him again...I just don't know...it breaks mom and dad's hearts to watch him do this, and here they are in their 60's and he's a 42 yr old man, they shouldn't be dealing with this. I am angry at him for doing this, I know he has an addiction though too, which is something I don't really understand, other than I used to smoke cigarettes, but I am sure alcohol is much different. Even though I realize he has this addiction I cannot help but getting angry and feeling he is selfish. But I am also very worried that one of these times we are going to go check on him and we'll find him dead ( though I pray to God that day never comes)..

I wish I knw what to tell you. Sadly, there is not much you can do for someone so deeply addicted.

I am sorry Kelly. I do understand because my hubby is an alcoholic, but has been sober since 1993. We all went through treatment with him (our girls and me), so I learned about addiction quite a bit. I also was raised around quite a bit of drinking and was taken to bars as a child even. I do not however, have the same opinion as is popular these days, about it being a disease the same same as cancer or diabetes. While it is insideous and hard to battle, it can be done when the person really wants it. If they don't want it, nothing will ever change. This partly is why I say it is not exactly a disease in my mind, and that lets people off the hook a bit. People can really want to defeat cancer and yet still die. However, with an addiction you can do it, if you really want to. It is very hard to understand why they might not want to stop drinking, but you can't really make them see what they are doing, until they are ready to open up their eyes

my dad just called there is more news and it's not good, I have to go now but will let you know later.

As a child of an alchoholic, I can tell you that there is nothing you can do. Until THEY decide to change, they wont.

Unless you can get them commited. Then they just stay dry until they getout.

You can attempt to video tape them while they are in this state, then when they are sober show them.

That might wake them up. But I dont know.

Of course, to be honest, my mother is no better now that she is sober. She is still selfish, self centered and irresponsible. Plus she has fried her brain and is not a joy to be around. All herlife everything was someone else's fault, and now its even worse. We can no longer blame it on the booze. LOL

She is a perpetual teenager, and it makes for a miserable life for all those around her.

I hate it for you. It is hardest on the family and I understand that.

I think the hardest part for me now is my mothers 'memories'. She 'remembers' what a great mother she was, how much she did for me, and even tries to give me parenting advice. Since none of this is true, its most agervating to deal with. LOL

And when she tells my kids what she USED to do, and that I REFUSE To do, making her look like Betty crocker and me look like an ass. it REALLY pisses me off. LOL

I hope he is ok Kelly. What ever happens though, I would suggest you find an Alanon (it is for friends and family of alcoholics & is affiliated with AA) group to attend for support and understanding. You can also attend "open" AA meetings. There is quite a bit you can learn at these places, it is free to all and meetings are held in many places at many times, in most cities. You may or may not be able to help your brother, but you can help for you and how this affects your life

I hope your brother is Ok Kelly! I'll be thinking of you guys.

Tara - I am sorry about your DH! Where I live the legal limit is .08 as well, but they also have a 0 tolerance (or something like that) law. You can be arrested for drunk driving with just the hint of alcohol on your breath. Hopefully his employer will understand that he was NOT drunk and will let him keep his job and hopefully the charges get dropped! I'll be thinking of you guys as well.

Tara I am so sorry for all of your pain That sounds so unfair! My advice these days, is for the driver to never have any drinks, not even one. I know that sounds mean because I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner myself. However, I have known of other people, thinking they were fine, because they just had a beer or two (or could be wine, or a cocktail) with their meal, later get pulled over and in trouble. In fact, my friend's son was recently in trouble for drinking and then riding his bycicle. I am not joking there either. He didn't think he was drunk and he was on his bike. He has a court date coming up next month.

Oh and this all because I wanted a new table- I sent him to pick it up with the truck. We never drive the truck unless we need to, and his inspection ran out in Dec and neither of us realized it- that's why he got pulled over in the first place.

Tara, I had no idea you were trying to deal with all that. It makes my concerns seem petty. But we've had legal problems in my family lately too, and above all else it's just plain SCARY because of the unknown. I hate that it's their word against ours. And meanwhile, the guy who stole bajillions from people is free to walk the streets of NY. Life is not fair, that's for sure.



Keep us informed, both of you, please!

When I was growing up we had very close friends that I thought of and still do as my second set of parents. He was an alcoholic. He crashed more vehicles than I can count. I remember once he wrapped a brand new VW beetle around a phone pole at the end of our street. He was the best person you could ever be around, but he drank almost all the time when he wasn't working. He finally started going to church and never drank again, after one of the wrecks that really broke his kids to the point of them believing he would be killed, or someone else, in a car wreck. This was in the early 70's. His wife and three kids pleaded with him continuously to stop drinking. He died several years ago of lung problems (he was a heavy smoker too).

I have to agree with the others, unless they want help, there is nothing you can do. I'm sorry you are going through this, it isn't a good spot to be in to sit by and watch, no matter how much you want to get through to him.

Kelly, now that I have stolen your thread.... my brother is an alcoholic as well, but he is only 26. In fact it almost killed him a few months ago, he spent a week and half in the hospital (although we believe the onset is thanks to the Z-pack he was on a few weeks before, the drinking was a contributing factor) But he was told that he needs to stop drinking or it will eventually kill him. He isn't drinking like he was, but he is drinking again and it's only a matter of time before he is right back where he started. All you can do is pray that he doesn't kill himself (or someone else) and sooner or later sees the light.

[quote="tara"]The last guy who got canned had pneumonia and missed more days than he had sick time, so since he did not come to work with pneumonia, he got fired [quote]

If he had had a FMLA (family medical leave act) form from the doctor, that would not have happened legally.

Tara, I hope things work out for you, my fingers are crossed.

Yea, I think you have to use up your time first, before it kicks in, or mine did anyway. I didn't end up using my FMLA, but my work had me to get my papers done before I had surgery just in case I ran out of time. And, yes, it is just one paper...sorry he has to work with such a company, but at least he has work.

Kely, nothing you can do until he wants help really, and it is a shame, I have BTDT.

Tara, what is your states legal level? Here is is .08, and they CANNOT arrest you for anything lower. NEver ever ever blow, make them wait to take blood....the blow test is not accurate.If Dh got arrested for .02 I would have a cops um, undercarriage in my hands within a matter of hours.

You can fight it, my brother got a DWI reduced to a traffic violation, as long as you have the right lawyer.

So hubby called on his break.... thought no news was good news but the boss isn't there again. So another day of stressing out. I think at this point a week after the fact if he does fire him- I may kill him. I wonder if he (the dick head) will fire himself for missing two consecutive days without the foresight to see it two weeks in advance

I can't say the alphabet backwards, or walk in a straight line, so i guess i must be drunk too...LOL
I can count backwards....but might have to think about it

Kelly, I'm saying a prayer for you. It's making me nervous that there was bad news.

Tara, I would be crazy pissed. That's a big part of the problem when you NEED your job. Because the people in authority are just people: good people, bad people, smart people, stupid people... And if you are stuck with a dumb ass as your boss, he's still your boss. You can fight it, but it's hard.

Kelly, please post soon with your news. Im sorry you are going through this.. There really isn't anything you can do until HE wants to stop unfortunately. I have a friend who has been going through the same thing for years and I know how frustrating it can be.

Tara, wow.. I hope you can get the mess straightened out. Don't be too hard on your hubby.. my dh's boss just went through this over the weekend.. she went to pick up a friend who was too intoxicated to drink. The boss had 1 shot before heading out but is REALLY thin.. she got stopped for NOT stopping at the stop for 10 seconds before moving (who ever does?) and PASSED all of the field sobriety test but blew a 0.081 The limit here is 0.08 as well.. The cop even told her that she was the most sober person he had ever arrested but had to take her in..

Kelly, I am so sorry I was so absorbed in my own misery I totally missed there was bad news. I hope not too bad, update us when you can, I'll be thinking about you.

((((tara!!))))) I am so sorry you have been dealing with this!! why didnt you say something? You poor thing!

I will pray that it all works out. I cant imagine how scared you are. I know that just BR having to take off 5 days for his engine to be changed is going to kill us, but the possibility of loosing a job? thats awful.

BR has to be VERY careful about driving. Cause he has a hazmat. When my kids did the bomb on the bus thing, he was scared to death about his job. he has to be vetted by the FbI and all just to get the endorsement on his licence. That was scary enough.

I pray that the lawyer gets it all fixed, and Even as a HS grad, and a somewhat smart individual (spelling nonwithstanding) I cant say my alphebet backwards, fall if I dont have 2 feet on the ground, and tend to get nervous when I think I am getting a ticket. I would bomb a sobriety test in aheartbeat. I can remember as teens we memorized the alphabet backwards. Heck, now I bet I couldnt say it frontwards.

It's not good news. What's even worse is that he hadn't been drinking, but due to other times he had been drinking in the past and had the same type behavior, we all thought he had. While mom and dad were calling an ambulance I was on the cell phone with a neighbor who was there. My brother was moaning like he was in pain, but incoherent, not really answering. He was completely naked on the floor by the door, which means he has probably been laying there since Sunday night when mom and dad checked on him. He probably ended up on the floor right after they had left and was still there today. When mom spoke to him Sun night he appeared drunk (something that's happened many times in the past) and he was staggering down the hall. She told him to call her when he wanted to talk. It's just killing us all to know that he was probably on that floor, naked, cold and in pain from Sunday night to today, to just think how horrible it must have been for him is making me nauseous. They brought him to the hospital put him on a ventilator and put a central line in, he was so dehydrated and all we really know is the Dr we talked to said that his body/blood is toxic, his acidity extremely high. They wanted him to go downstate because they don't have the equipment/expertise up here to deal with him. The Dr here said that as of now, they don't know why he's in the condition he's in, or what happened, and don't quite know if they ever will figure the trigger, because he was fine on Fri night. I talked to him, mom talked to him and the next door neighbor talked to him and he was alert and all there and making sense. It was horrible. I had the neighbor put the phone to his ear so I could talk to him, thinking that maybe hearing my voice might get a response out of him (out of all his sisters, him and I are the closest) He was moaning in pain, and I couldn't get much out of him.. They life flighted him down to Bangor 3 hours from here to Eastern Maine Medical, mom and dad are leaving to go down tonight. I cannot, I am taking care of everyones houses and my brother's poor dog. He's sick, probably from not eating/drinking for 4 days. Since he has been here though he's looking a little better, especially since he's had plenty to drink now and I boiled him some chicken., but if he gets sick I need to be here to take him to the vet, and I have to handle things from here as much as I wanted to go. I don't know, I am just so sick to my stomach and angry that here we thought he was drunk and he was suffering in pain by himself, it just makes me sick..

When I went to the hospital to see what was going on, we did get a chance to see him before he was life flighted down, he looked almost like a concentration camp prisoner, that's how skinny/bony he was. We all knew he was skinny, but his clothes masked how skinny he really was. We know he's been eating, nothing makes sense...

Kelly, dont beat yourself up. seriously. because if he didnt have a history of BEING drunk, and careless, then it would have raised a flag for each of you when he walked out of that bedroom like that.

AND, maybe this is his wakeup call. God works in mysterious ways. This might be what sobers him up.

I will pray that everything is okay. and I am sorry you are hurting like this. Just love on his dog, thats the best thing that you can do right now. Cause that poor puppy has been neglected too. And he has never put a bottle to his lips to put himself in the position to be treated that way.

Kelly I am so sorry, but thankfully your dad went to check on him when he did. Keep us posted, and I hope all goes well.
Did they do a spinal to check for menengitis? Or encephalitis?
Does he work anywhere that he could have come in contact with anything?