Death

Not a subject many folks are willing to speak/post about. However, it will happen and with the experience I have, it is very sad. After someone you love has past, folks will tell you in time - you will get over it. You do not. I have had dreams of people that are no longer with me; I believe that to be a message - saying - they are ok.

I was 14 when a friend of mine received that wacky tobacky that was laced with rat poisoning. He was 17. All my school friends are now dead from cancer. They joyfully smoke for about two years, it was fashionable, in style.

My parents are no longer with me. Mom died in 1999, Dad in 2003.

To this day, the greatest grief was losing my dog. He was so special to me, we had our own language. He was 15 and epileptic (sp?). I loved him very much and I always will.

Death is sad.
It does happen, we live, we die. Somewhere in between, if you are lucky, you listen to John Prine!

I suppose it is one of the things that unite us. A grief we all feel, and a loss we all suffer. But I prefer to focus on lilfe, because if you don't, you miss so much. Today is a beautiful, sunny day, and my husband is home and happy. My kids are with their grandmother, soaking up her love and attention and basking in the glow of it. And I am off to try to make my patch of the world a little nicer and tidier.

Death is a reality but some death cannot be accepted. untimely death, murder, suicide. they are brutal to our senses and emotions. I lost a very good friend who is the aunt to my oldest son and her 2 oldest children to murder. get over it? no never. its been 12 years, 13 this november 17th. i am not over it. i can hear them in my mind when i think of them. i dream of who they would be today as young adults. of the dances and dates missed and the children who should have been born to them. no you never get over it. never.

I am sitting in a hotel room with my sister and we were just talking about her daughter. She died in a very tragic accident about a year and a half ago. She was only 20 and had a 15 month old son she left behind. She had just gotten engaged the week before also. The worst part to handle is that she didn't die from the semi truck hitting her car, she died because the hospital said she wasn't hurt. She was knocked out and had to be cut out of the car. She had very bad internal injuries but was just sent home. She kept going back to the doctor and he kept saying she was ok and gave her strong pain meds. When he did admit her, she was too bad to be saved by then and ended up on life support, but brain dead. My sister will never get over that for sure!
Our Mom passed away in 1999 and our Dad currently has cancer. You do expect to deal with the death of your parents though, but we never expect to deal with the death of our children.

My Mom died 5 years ao, july 19th 2003, and somehow it was not as traumatic for me as I would have thought. It was expected, we knew she would die, she was ready, and asked to go. After suffering from ALL for 16 months, chemo, remission, relapse, being bedridden with abroken leg, and then more chemo, she was ready. We had discussed the possibility when she was first diagnosed/ She died on the day of my 11yo's 6th bday party, we released balloons with butterflies on them at dd's party. I did not tell my kids until the next day however.
My StepDad was killed in an accident 104 days later ( oct 2003), that was very traumatic for me,I guess because it was unexpected. He was hauling a load of Oil Mud, from the oil field when his truck overturned on a curve in the fog, there was another man killed, a 21yo. My Stepdad would never been able to live with that.

We have had alot of Deaths in our family in the last 5 years, Most recently my Grandmother April2 2007, and Dh;s grandfather april21 2007, I was extremely close to both of them, and I am still not over it..probably never will be. My 11yo is in grief counseling, weekly, she was VERY close to my Grandmother, and took it hard. They used to "watch " wheel of fortune together, DD would call her, and they would talk on the phone during the show, decide the answers etc. DD has not watched it since, and freaks if it is on.

I can still remember when my first cat died. I felt her sleeping on me for weeks after she had passed, and I would wake up screaming because I was so frightened, although once mom told me the cat was just keeping me safe, that made me feel better! LOL!

My first boyfriend died of Leukemia when I was 16. He was just 18. We hadn't been dating for years, but we were very close. The night he died was wild. He had gone to California for a bone marrow transplant, and I was in NJ babysitting. I was sitting there thinking about him, wondering how he was doing when I heard him tell me that he was dead now, but not to mourn him, because he truely was in a better place! I thought I was crazy until I got the call the next morning telling me he was gone. His current girlfriend and I were the only dry eyes at the funeral. I never had the guts to ask her if he came to her too.

Last year, my husbands brother died of Melanoma. He was 42 years old, and left behind a wife and 2 beautiful daughters. I think this was the hardest for me to accept. It happened so quickly!

I'm no stranger to death either, My one sister died in Dec 02, my Dad in Sept 03, my Mom in Dec 03 and my other sister in March 08. Somewhere in there thre were the deaths of a couple of uncles and lots of friends. Death is hard...plain and simple...and because of it I can't enter a funeral home.

I had a lot of losses in my life thus far, and I am expecting too many more.

When I was 7, my father and brothers and great-grandmother and I went out to celebrate my birthday that happened a week before. We went to dinner and then back to my grandmother's, who was watching us for the night. My father was a police officer for the town we lived in. I got woken in the middle of the night to my older brother crying. I went to the kitchen to see what was going on. He told me and it took some time to sink in. I ran back to the room that I was sharing with my younger brother, who was 4 at the time. I threw myself on the bed and cried. When he asked what happened, I just blurted out, "Daddy's dead!" He didn't understand. Hours later, my mother is taking us back to where she lived with my step-father and youngest brother, who was born just 2 months before. My life was never the same after that. I have learned to deal with this and any future losses a little differantly than most people I know. It hurts to know that my son will never know his grandfather (any-since Tim lost his father too). But I know that my father is watching down at me and does his best to protect me. My father passed December 12, 1987.

My father died in a drunk driving accident. There is one thing that his death has taught me. And that is the effects of drinking and driving. He fortunately did not harm anyone else. But he did crash into the home of my friend's aunt (ironically).

I lost my cousin last September. In the last week of August, he was at a bar with a few friends and when he went to go outside to talk to someone, this guy ran him over with his pickup truck. The guy thought that he was trying to talk bad to his girlfriend. My cousin had never met either before. About 2 weeks later, just when we thought he was going to make it.... I got the call that we lost him. This was, and still is, very hard for me to take. My cousin had just turned 19. I used to babysit him. He was the first baby I ever held. The judge did rule it to be vehicular manslaughter. I do not know what is going on with the guy right now. It is just too painful to.... I am still not over his death, and I think this is one that will take a long time for me to grieve.

My aunt was lost just last year too. A month after my cousin passed. Both were on my Mom's side- she was my mom's sister. She had a heart attack and no one found her for some time, so she ended up being brain dead. This was another hard one. To listen to my Mom over the phone, she was in so much pain, I wished I could have been there for her. She knew though that if I lived closer I would never have left her side, and she said that was what kept her strong.

Tim lost his father when I was pregnant. I was just getting close to his father, and he was just getting used to the idea of me having a child out of wedlock. We used to joke what Tim and I were going to name our child. His father was a car salesman and so Tim and I used to say that if we had a girl, she would be name Mercedes, since that was the only way we'd have one. Jokes like that. Tim had gone over to his parents one day when I was under the weather. He wanted to visit his Dad, and knew he had the day off. A few hours later I got a call to meet them at the hospital. Tim's father collapsed as they were talking. He had a brain anerysum (spelling). He fought for 2 weeks, before they had to take him off life support. His organs were starting to shut down, so before he got worse, his family made that hard decision. I remember when we went in to say good-bye. Everyone got to go in by themselves. I promised him that I would take care of his son and his grandson. My son is the only child, so far, that will carry on the last name. And may end up being the only one. Just how some things in the family ended up. I have not let down on that promise. I never will.

I have had other deaths in my family, my God-mother/Aunt passed away around 2000 from a brain tumor, my great grandmother in 1996 of old age (she lived to be 90), my great aunt just passed last year of old age. My Mom's best friend though, we are expecting him to only have 3-6 months left. Being that, I know my Mom is finding things hard. With last year and now this. We knew he has been sick with cancer over the past year, but he did not respond well to treatment. He will leave behind a wife and 3 children. I wish there was something I can do, but my Mom justs asks for me to pray for them. They are on my mind so much.

I am sorry for everyone else and the losses that they have experianced. It never seems like I know what to say, but I DO know how you feel and I wish it wasn't so. If anyone ever does feel like they want to talk, I will be there for you.

I am surprised so many are willing to post about it. I believe it is good therapy to speak/post thereof. We do not forget the people we have loved, we cherish them, our memories of such happy times. You know, sometimes, I can still smell the scent of my Mothers' lipstick and the fur of my dog. When that moment happens, it is a second of pure stillness, pure delight.

Just like those eyes of John Prine...to the left...

When I posted yesterday I was thinking about my niece because my sis and I had been talking about her. However, I don't know many people who have had to suffer more tragic family losses than my husband. When he was about 7, his mother, one sister and one nephew were all killed in a car accident. The driver crossed the center line intending to kill herself. She killed 3 of 4 people in the car she hit, but she lived.
His sister was murdered a few years later in a famous case in Biloxi, Ms. She and her pregnant roommate were killed in front of the roommate's 4 year old brother.
A few years after that his younger brother died at age 12. He rode his bike to a pond on their farm and died when he fell off his bike, hit his head and fell into the water.
In 1991 his older brother died at age 35 from cancer a few months after my Grandma died from cancer. My hubby was very close to his brother, as well as my Grandma.
His father died in 1995. That was the easiest to handle as he was 77 and died from a heart attack in his most favorite place to be.

I lost my dearest friend in the world 0n Dec 13, 2003 to leukemia.
I still don't talk about it much because it is very raw.
I actually found his corpse.
Losing him was so profound I literally thought I would die myself. I sunk so far into the depths of agony & grief I thought I’d never be able to climb out of that pit of pain.
When I finally decided to live and not die I bought my little Harley Davidson, thus the bike’s name ‘Resurrection’.

I don’t believe in an afterlife that consists of a placed called Heaven or Hell.
I do know this - whenever I'm going through a difficult time Michael comes to me and brings strength.
Whenever I experience a moment of true joy, Michael is there to share it with me.
His totem animal was the eagle, whenever I'm out on my motorcycle and I see an eagle, I'm sure it's a message from Michael saying “I'm ok & so are you."
When Michael passed I made a decision to live each day as if it's my last.

I lost several friends in the 80s and early 90s to AIDS (a horrible and ugly death); it was an honor to be with them during their last days.
Because the issue of homosexuality and AIDS was still so taboo, many times myself & a handful of faithful friends was all some of these men had left in their lives, their own families had tossed them away like used tissue.
More than one family said God had judged their son because of his lifestyle.
When death’s touch is so close people are transformed into the very essence of life and I was privileged to share this time with them.

I received word yesterday through the provincial newspaper, a friend of mine passed away at the age of 75 from cancer. She was a very good woman, very strong. When she was 35 she lost her husband and continued to raise four children on her own. She was a co-worker of mine when I worked for American Greetings. Honestly, you would never know we were working as generally speaking all we would do was giggle and that is what I will remember.

So many stories of tragedy. Im so sorry for all who have had to endure this pain. I have been lucky and we haven't had many tragedies. The worst was my grandfather. I didn't get to meet him until I was an adult and we lived in the same town as he and I came to love him dearly. When I moved away to go overseas, I remember thinking as I was saying goodbye that I would never see him again. About a year or so later he was burning a field and got caught in the middle. That was a tough one.

Honey, the story of your niece is just appalling! I am not a big advocate of suing but in this case it was nothing more than negligence that caused her death and I sincerely hope a law suit was brought against the hospital and doctors who kept telling her she was fine.

I lost my 17 year old son to cancer in 2001. For the first three years I have had dreams of his passing but in a diffrent way, one was he was shot and killed in a drive by, so many more ways I really don't care to name right now.
No one can get over the death of a loved one, I hear ir so many times, its been almost 7 years now you need not to think about it anymore. Well really what kind of crap is that.
There are things the people grive and that is also furture loss. I know I will never be a grandmother, and many more things. Hear the words I love you mom every again.

Connie wrote:So many stories of tragedy. Im so sorry for all who have had to endure this pain. I have been lucky and we haven't had many tragedies. The worst was my grandfather. I didn't get to meet him until I was an adult and we lived in the same town as he and I came to love him dearly. When I moved away to go overseas, I remember thinking as I was saying goodbye that I would never see him again. About a year or so later he was burning a field and got caught in the middle. That was a tough one.

Honey, the story of your niece is just appalling! I am not a big advocate of suing but in this case it was nothing more than negligence that caused her death and I sincerely hope a law suit was brought against the hospital and doctors who kept telling her she was fine.

No one in our family has ever filed a lawsuit before, but one has been filed in this case. Her baby will get any money that is awarded. In Louisiana there is a $500,000 cap and the lawyer will get about half.

bzzlady wrote:I lost my 17 year old son to cancer in 2001. For the first three years I have had dreams of his passing but in a diffrent way, one was he was shot and killed in a drive by, so many more ways I really don't care to name right now.
No one can get over the death of a loved one, I hear ir so many times, its been almost 7 years now you need not to think about it anymore. Well really what kind of crap is that.
There are things the people grive and that is also furture loss. I know I will never be a grandmother, and many more things. Hear the words I love you mom every again.

Wow Bzzlady, your post made me cry, not that it helps but I am sorry. I can think of nothing more tragic than the loss of a child. I don't see how anyone can ever recover completely from something like that and could never imagine telling someone to either.