My sister is starting to drive me crazy.

To be fair, I'm sure I'm driving her crazy as well. But I just have to say she has become the most mother-hen caretaker in all of history. She actually started to tell me how to hold my mom's hand the other day. Here are my favorite examples:

She got a bit annoyed with me because a married couple that my mom is friends with showed up to visit mom in the ICU. She was annoyed that I hadn't updated them on mom's status and let them know that she wasn't ready for visitors. The only problem is that I'd never heard of them before. I've never met them and they weren't on the list of folks mom has asked me to keep updated.

She also got a little frustrated with me today because I calmly told her that I wouldn't tell people what foods they were and were not allowed to bring mom once she goes home from the hospital. Sure I know that mom is going to be on a restricted diet. But I'm not rude enough to decline a gift of a home cooked meal, especially since my dad isn't on a restricted diet. And for that matter, neither are any of the rest of us who will be taking turns helping my dad out. If someone asks I'll let them know. And certainly I'll tell people who are offering but haven't cooked yet. But I'm not turning gifts away. That's just rude.

Yesterday she got miffed at me when I told her that mom hadn't napped while she and my dad had dinner and that she'd watched a movie instead. Not sure why that was my fault or what the big deal is. Sure mom needs sleep and they disturb her a lot in the night, but it's not like I threw a party and kept her up. She just wasn't sleepy at 5 in the evening. She had more energy and I think that's a good sign.

My sister's also started complaining about how she's only had maybe 10 hours of sleep since the surgery on Thursday. Well she could have slept more if she'd have let anyone else stay with mom during the nights. Every time I offered she got pissed because it was against hospital policy for me to be there after visiting hours. Then as soon as I left town to go home she would go back to the hospital and stay all night.

Tonight she was in a tizzy because they'll release mom from the hospital soon and nothing was ready and dad would have to care for her 24 hours a day with no help and he couldn't be away from her to even run to the store or anything like that. Well that's just wrong. First off, there's not a hell of a lot to get ready. She may need a wheelchair but I doubt it because she's already walking herself to the toilet and back on her own. Her house doesn't have stairs either so it's not as if any special arrangements need to be made. And if they do, we'll deal with them. My dad won't be alone since my MIL lives in the same town and I'll can stay there with the kids. I can be at my parents house within about 3 minutes if they call. My dad is a great cook but I'd be happy to provide meals if he needs a break. And he won't have to go to the store unless he just wants out of the house for a bit. I can check items off a shopping list with the best of them. I've also demonstrated a knack for mailing envelopes and taking out the trash. Duh!

I really think my sis is just worried sick and feeling out of control about my mom and not able to stop herself from grasping control over anything she can. But she's about to make me decide to just not help out as much as I'd like. If she wants to do it all and have me sit on my ass I won't put up a fight. I'll wait until she passes out from exhaustion so I can visit with my mom in peace.

Oh and BTW, it's usually my mom who is the control freak driving me crazy. Apparently when mom got too sick to nitpick my sister inherited the crown.

OH lordy girl. Its enough to drive you insane. My moms twindid that shit when she was in the coma fromthe wreck. I was the onewho made all the descisions (my grandmother who was THERE at the time and I lived 8 hours away put ME in charge)-

He would come in and be listening to them explain a procedure they needed to do (about 12 surgerys, various meds, etc) and then want clarification while I was trying to sign the release. Iwas ready to put him in a bed beside her.

He would even pester the nurses when i wasnt there. they were not allowed to deal with him at all.

Likeyou said, you'll just haveto let her freak out and then she will implode eventually.

I'm sure she is worried, and that is where all this is coming from, trying to micromanage everything to keep herself busy, but she is gonna have to understand that stresses folksmore.

Right now I'm able to laugh about it. If I get stressed from her I just leave the hospital and go home and come back when I'm in a better mood. She's in a great hospital and getting wonderful care so I'm free to do that. I really don't worry that there's things which need done for her that they aren't doing. But my sister just can't let it go. It's so funny because my dad is doing that a little (which he usually does so this is nothing new) and my sister is doing it and even my mom is nagging my dad a little. But each one of them rolls their eyes at the others when they start. I'm wondering what I'm doing that everyone is rolling their eyes at? It can't be much because no one will let me do shit. Well, mom is actually letting me. When my dad and my sister left we both relaxed and just talked and watched TV and joked with the nurse. It was so much nicer, LOL.

It sounds like your sister needs to go home and back to her own life? Your Mom is doing good, and the LAST thing her dr is gonna want is her in a wheel chair. She should be back to normal activities within a few weeks.

That's what I think. But no one is listening to me. BUT they are listening to the Dr. so I think that when he says it they'll pay attention.

I also think she's being extreme about mom's diet. Mom did not have bypass because she had no blockages or hardening of the arteries or any other heart problems. Her problems were from a birth defect that some of her medication made worse. She does need a heart healthy diet for now, but once she's recuperated, she can go back to eating just like she did before. But again, no one is listening to me now. I'll wait until they calm down. It will happen eventually.

I agree, Karen. Even if your mom has a lousy diet normally, there are people who can eat like that their whole life and it never harms them. Put part of the blame on the hospital. They have their post-op instructions set in stone, and go through them no matter who they're talking to, even if they don't apply to everyone. DH had a colonoscopy yesterday, and the post-op nurse went through her "start taking a fiber supplement every day" speech. I told her I was very surprised to hear that he would need a fiber supplement , since DH eats a diet that's very high in fiber. I don't see how he could possibly be needing even more. So she admitted that that's what they tell everyone, because some people do benefit from a supplement.

Oh Lori! I hate those instructions! What makes it worse is that the hospital itself will feed you the least nutritious thing they can find. They give dessert to diabetics and hamburgers with a salty gravy to heart patients. It's crazy!

Kare,all I can say is you're lucky she's just started driving you crazy,my sister has been a bitch all her life lol

agaphmou wrote:Kare,all I can say is you're lucky she's just started driving you crazy,my sister has been a bitch all her life lol

My condolences, Athena!

You poor thing! My mom's sister has been trying to do that to the rest of the family since my grandma broke her hip in January. My dad finally got sick of her bossing my mom around when they were getting my grandma's house ready to sell and told her to either pick up the other end of the couch or just leave. She chose to just leave and the rest of the work went much faster. Hopefully your sister will destress a bit after things get back to normal with your mom.

Seems to be one of those in every family.

agaphmou wrote:Kare,all I can say is you're lucky she's just started driving you crazy,my sister has been a bitch all her life lol

*snort!*

Mom went home today and my sis lives 2 hours away and she works full time. Soooo... she can't follow mom home and we should all be able to relax at last.

I'll be going over to my MIL's house (in the same town as my parents) tomorrow so that I can be available for them if they need me. But I'm planning on giving them space and not spending all day there. And I bought a travel Scrabble set for my mom so that we can play while we visit. She has the regular game but since she won't be up to sitting at the kitchen table to play, I thought the travel set would work better. It has raised edges to hold the tiles in place if you knock the board.