aaaaarrrrrrgggggggggg

I had a semi long day- I didnt DO anything that was hard, but I just was going all day- started out with feeding all the animals cause the kids were gone, then mucking out the sties and the broiler pen. after that BR and I worked on hanging lights in the new barn, then giving the 5 day old piglets their iron shots.

THEN the other pig went into labor. So, this being the nicer sow, I didnt think twice about getting in the pen with her. (the other one would not get still if I was in the pen, or when all the kids were watching and making noise)

I rubbed her, talked to her etc. When we had looked over she already had one piglet. The other came fairly quickly. Then it was over an hour and no piglet. Pigs dont do that. So, I decided to assist. its a hard animal to assist with. The babies are smaller than goats, and MUCH smaller than horses, so its hard to get in there. But I felt the baby, it was in posisition, and my arm was only half way in. But it was still born. after that she had 5 more fairly quickly. I did go back in at one point because she hadnt passed afterbirth, and I knew there was more of it. But didnt feel anymore babies. So it was just a waiting game on her passing it.


None of this was a big deal, other than I stayed in a squatted down posistion for HOURS. She started around 2:30 and I finally got out of the sty and into the house at 7:50. I didnt have to help anymore, other than on the last one, the placenta was all over it and so I pulled it off, and of course helping to clear out the nostrils etc. She was a great mom, she never got up, I had to make her move so I could pull the one baby, she had laid down with her rear up against the fence and I couldnt get in there- and then after the last baby about 45 minutes later she got up and got a drink.

But she was great. All 7 living babies nursed within seconds, were up running around etc.

when I came in, my great aunt had called, her TV wasnt working- so I drove over and fixed that (not real sure old people should be given fancy satilite remotes...) then I came on home. I noticed I wasnt really tired, but went to bed around 10- 10:30.

I havent been able to sleep ALL night. Around 2 I went ahead and put on a Nicoderm patch that my SIL had brought me. I only had about 5 ciggerettes left and wasnt leaving the house till monday morning. She had brought it over so I could try it. I was going to smoke the ones I had today and put it on before bed. But then realized what I had wouldnt last me till bedtime.

I did smoke 4 of the 5, she smoked one of them- I had 1 cup of coffee this morning (usually I have 3 or 4) and I had ONE can of Dr pepper and ONE 20 oz. usually I have 7-9 cans a day. But I was just otherwise occupied, and didnt get any.

The only thing I can fiqure is the patch has be awake. I have to take Rayley to the Dr in the morning. I want to get some sleep, I am wind burned (and its SOO much like a sunburn... not quite as bad, but agervating just the same) - PLUS, now I've got indegestion from drinking orange juice before I went to bed. I ALWAYS take a glass of orange juice with me to bed.

I DID find another pack of cigerettes, and have smoked two from it. mostly just from boredom I think.

I NEED to quit smoking, I really do. But I cant stay up all night every night. I read that you can take it off at night- but wont that make me want that first cigerette in the morning really really badly??

as the night wore on I couldnt even doze off anymore. THings were running through my mind, keeping me worried.
I dozed a few times, but anything would wake me up. And I am one that my alarm can go off for hours and never wake me up. BR's will wake me, and mine him. We usually just hit each other, roll over and go back to sleep. with the offender hitting snooze on their clock. Tonight the dog sighed when he laid down and woke me up. a commercial came on TV and woke me up, BR rolling over woke me up.

I dont want to take this patch off, cause I wanted to keep it on till I bought more tomorrow. I really have to quit. I would prefer to not even smoke this pack I have. But I cant be in a constant state of worry, I cant be jittery all the time. I am dealing with 3 kids 24 hours a day, and the 4th for 13 hours a day. Plus, teaching?? I cant do that and be off my game. I'll kill someone.

I cant do chantix again. the first time worked with just some odd dreams and such. the second time I was a basket case. I puked all the time, I was sick as a dog, I was nervous as hell, I was bitchy, and freaked out at everything.

I tried the lozenges. OMFG- you talk about nasty. and they upset my stomache.
gum is the same way.

anyway, sorry for the novel, but I'm SOOOO cant fail again. I cant afford to keep smoking. I cant stand not being able to laugh with out coughing.

I wonder if maybe I shouldnt buy the strongest patch. I DO smoke a pack a day. But they are light 100's. If Ibuy one thats too light, I cant afford to buy the right ones till payday. LOL and if I buy the too strong ones, same thing.

alright, I'll quit whining. LOL

Oh and the back story about my day is just to say that none of this should have me awake- I can do much less than any of this anyday and still go to sleep with no problems.

caffinne isnt keeping me awake, I didnt even have 1/5 of waht I usually have.

and stress/worry isnt doing it.

OH and when I run out of cigerettes, or am trying to cut back or just quit cold turkey, and I dont smoke my 3/4 to a pack a day, I SLEEP. If i dont have any, i go to sleep- middle of the day, no cigs, I fall asleep. LOL

I did smoke 1/2 of what I usually do, some days I do this if I'm busy, or somehwere where I cant smoke. I dont usually freak out about not having a smoke, UNLESS I know I'll never have one again- which is NOT my problem. I have a pack in front of me. But even when I do freak cause of that, I go to sleep. LOL

If I need to be up in the morning- I can not sleep. Been that way forever. I blame to many years on the graveyard shift, it permanently screwed my internal clock.

Good luck with the smoking. It's hard. Chantix worked for me, twice. I tried everything else but that was the one that did it. Mostly because you withdraw while you still smoke so after the first week it's really a will power thing because you haven't actually had any nicotine in your system in a week at that point. It did fuck up my belly and give me some funky dreams though. I quit taking it after two weeks the first time and 3 the second. I quit for over a year in between the two. Just for some stupid reason I smoked one in between and that lead to another and so on.

We want piglet pictures!

Chantix gave me horrible heartburn and nausea and..uh Wind, and weird dreams...when I wasn't having wind that woke me or dh up.. I quite for over a month, then My grandmother died, and 3 weeks later Dh's grandfather. I smoked like a chimney for about 10 days after, took more chantix and finally gave up when I embarassed the kids in Wal mart...LOL( it DOES say sudden on the side effects)

The patch raised my blood pressure to stroke level, and I never slept....
The Commit lozenges made me want to smoke desperately...I quit quitting for right now, too much stress. The funny thing is, I can go all day, for days without smoking, then all of a sudden I HAVE TO or kill someone.

My friends Dad chain smoked for about 50 years, wore the patch off and on, and just quit. Hasn't smoked in about 4 years. He would take the patch off, then put it back on all day, and none at night.

What about cutting the patch in half for use overnight? That way you'll still get some benefit and not wake up desperate but you'll be able to sleep.

I'm thinking erin, that I should hold off myself. LOL

And to top it off, this morning Matt sliced his fingers open cutting up cold pizza. Brett set off the fire alarms cooking eggs, and they left Bows carseat out in the rain ALL night instead of putting it in my truck after getting back from MIL's.

Then at Rayley's appt they confirmed she has a heart murmur, Its not effecting her in anyway. She is more tired than usual, but this is a 5 year old who gets up at 5:30, goes to school all day and now that my MIL is bringing her home, she gets home between 4 and 6. (depending on erronds my MIL runs). AND they havent been taking naps at school. PLUS she has shot up about 2 inches in the last month. She eats like a horse, so I'm not real worried, but to rule out any heart desise or problems, she needs an EKG.

Oh and you cant cut patches in half. I wish you could. LOL

It takes 3 hours for the patch to start working again, maybe tonight I will be able to sleep- if not, I'll have to take it off.