I think I need some hugs

I've had a very sad week. It all started after we returned from a fun family (hubby's side) gathering in St. Louis. When we arrived home, two messages on my machine, from my nephew (my side) informed me that my sister in law had passed away. And my brother was in the hospital and not expected to last more than 48 hours.

I quickly did laundry, we repacked, and headed to MI. A day and a half later, we arrived and went directly to the hospital. Phil (brother) was in comfort care, no machines, just keeping him comfortable.

I spent 2 days at the hospital, holding his hand, talking to him, telling him how much I loved him (this is my big brother, my only brother). Although he couldn't respond, sometimes his eyes said he knew I was there, and sometimes, I'm sure, he would squeeze my hand. In fact, one time, when I tried to unclasp his hand, I'm sure he squeezed harder.

After 5 days, we headed home to KY. The doctors and Hospice were saying he could hold on for a day, a week, a month.

I received a phone call from my nephew just Monday, and he told me my big brother has gone to join his wife of 39 years.

All the while I was there, I felt the need to be strong for my niece & nephew (both young adults), so tried hard not to break down in front of them. The obituary was in the newspaper today, and I was able to read it online this morning. It's very nicely done, telling more than just the facts, if you will.

My nephew called me this afternoon to tell me the newspaper called him and wanted to do an upclose story about them... that it's a true love story. Actually, the funeral service will be this Friday (SIL was cremated and stashed at the funeral home), their 39th wedding anniversary. And I know that Pat and Phil are dancing once again, just like they did 39 years ago.

SIL has been in a wheelchair for 34 years, and sores frequently got sores, which eventually beat her thru infectiion. My brother had bad knees that should have been operated on, but he wouldn't have it as no one could take care of Pat. His death was the result of his knees buckling on him, hitting his head, and suffering from bleeding on the brain/damage.

And I really miss my big brother. If you're reading this, thanks for taking the time. It helps me to write or talk about all that has gone on in a period of less than 2 weeks.

*HUGS* I am so sorry! *HUGS*

Dee, I was wondering where you disappeared to. I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers to you and yours. If you feel like it, please share the link to the story when they do it, it sounds like a wonderful one.

Big hugs to you! I'm so sorry you are having to deal with not just one wonderful soul passing, but two! I can't imagine how hard that must be. My husband lost his baby brother in December (he was only 42), so I do know on some level the pain you are experiencing!!

As Tara said, please post the link if you feel like it. It does sound like a beautiful story!

My prayers are with you and a GIANT HUG coming your way. I am just so sorry.

How neat that they are together and dancing.

I am really praying for you and your family!!

Oh Dee! How awful you must feel right now! I can't even imagine what you're going through. I wish there were words I could say that would make your pain and loss more bearable, but I can't think of any. If you want to talk please do post and let us be here for you.

Often in life, words do not come easy. I am glad you shared your words here.

"The diamonds will shining, no longer in the rough" ~ John Prine

My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family. I am so sorry but it seems to be wonderful for them to be together.

I thank you each and everyone from the bottom of my heart for your kind words... I will be back tomorrow to say a little more to each of you... and yes, if the story is in the paper tomorrow, I definitely will post the link. They were a unique couple, madly in love all the while.

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you a hug right now. *hugs* I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Dee,
I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers!

bizzeedee wrote: They were a unique couple, madly in love all the while.

I certainly hope this doesn't sound awful but, that statement alone says they lived a better, luckier lives than some will ever get to experience and I hope knowing that can help ease your pain just a bit, maybe not now but in time.

(((( I am so sorry!!))) I cant imagine loosing both of them at the same time, I know you and your neice and nephew are hurting SOOO bad. But, God Knew that they couldnt live on this earth alone. My heart is breaking for you. I am so very glad you were able to go and spend a few days with him. Even if he didnt talk back.

I am so sorry for your loss...

I don't know what to say, but your story touched me. Take care and know they are together in peace now. *hugs*

(((((((((((dee)))))))))))

So sad ....

Dee,
I'm so sorry for your loss. People may say that with time this pain will go away, I respectfully disagree. The pain will never leave you, it just gets different.
My thoughts go out to you. I wish I could give you a "real " hug.

What a hard time you've been having lately! I'm sorry for your losses and I hope that you and your family are doing ok.

((HUGS))

I am so sorry for your loss.

I have been thinking about you and wondering where you were. I am so sorry for your loss

It's a hard time you'll be going through, and I'm sorry for the losses your family has had. We have missed you here, you can be assured of that.

The pain does fade away, but the painful memories sneak up on you when you least expect them. It's been 5 years since I lost my mom, and once in a while things will all flood back to me when I get to a certain place on the road - the place where I finally told my youngest that grandma had passed away while he was on his 6th grade school trip to Washington DC. I was supposed to go on the trip with the class and backed out when things got looking bad. She passed away the day before he got home from his trip, and I picked him up at the airport and listened to him blab all the way home. The closer we got to home all I could think of was I have to tell him, it's now or never, because plans had drastically changed for the next day (his 6th grade graduation - I missed it).

((Hugs)) I'm so sorry

I can't begin to thank you all for your kind words, your care, your prayers, and the virtual hugs. Please believe me when I say it's been very comforting to me to read this thread, not just once, but a couple of times.

The article about my brother and SIL was not in the online edition of the newspaper today. I have a feeling it could run tomorrow, being that's the anniversary, and that's what caused the reporter to want to do a story about them (I think).

But I've spent this morning looking at flowers, selecting, calling the florist, crying, ordering, thinking.

Yes, I agree with you who said the pain never goes away, it's just lessened or different. My parents have been gone for 14 years, and there's hardly a day that goes by when I think of my Mom & Dad.

Sounds strange, but in a way I'm jealous of my brother, because he's with them now and I'm not But I'm pretty sure that one day I will be joining them.

I'll be fine. My nephew, well he's doing darn good, and I think that comes when you had to be the take charge person... no time for breakdowns. I suggested that he and his finance don't do anything "mom or dad" related this weekend, but instead, go to the beach, have a picnic, whatever it takes, but to not go to his folks house again for a few days. He and his sister are in the process of going thru everything... and like many of us, my brother & SIL were string savers so they're having to deal with what to keep what to toss.

I did tell them when in doubt, put the items in a box, seal it, date it, and revisit it in a years time, because once you toss it, it's gone forever.

My niece will come to accept and be okay with what's happened. She has a brand new son and I told her that her job is to tell Daniel all the happy memories she has, and he will come to know his grandparents thru them.

It's nice to be back here... I have been gone for a while, but lurking so have tried to keep up on what's going on.

Again, thanks to each of you.

BeachyBum wrote:

It will be the little things
that you will remember,
the quiet moments,
the smiles, the laughter.
And although it may seem
hard right now,
it will be the memories
of these little things
that help to push
away the pain
and bring the smiles
back again.

((((((((Bizzeedee))))))))))

BeachyBum... this is so beautiful. I've printed it out and tacked it on my bulletin board.